Beautiful

I've noticed recently that what I find most beautiful is that which others would probably describe as normal, as average. There is a beauty in the every day. There is something special about being smart but not smug, friendly but not patronizing, wild but not destructive, fun but not obnoxious. There is something amazing about the mundane, the every day, the routine. I think I see this in both people and nature. Unfortunately, I do not recognize it nearly as much as I should.

Sabotage

If there are ever nominations for the "King of Self-Sabotage" I would hereby like to nominate myself for that position. Why is it that my instincts work so much towards that which is so destructive in my life? Why is it that I seem to be so afraid of success? Is it really that much better to live with failure, in misery, just because it is familiar? This is a cycle that has GOT to end!

Biking

So yesterday I had a nice long bike ride with a wonderful, amazing friend. The biggest problem, though, was that my tushie now hurts something fierce. Of all the inventions and technology we have these days you would think they would have a bike seat that would allow my butt to be pain free today. Not so much so. Maybe that's my lottery ticket, I can come up with that seat. Or maybe they have and I'm just too darn cheap to buy a seat that works better for me. I'm guessing that's more the case.

The interesting thing about yesterday for me is how after a long day together with a dear friend, how is it that I still wish I had more time together? It's made even more amazing by how recognizing in how many ways we are different as we spend more time, yet I want to spend even more time. What is it about people that makes that sort of thing happen? I've got nothing, but if you've got thoughts feel free to share your comments. As for me, I'm just going to be grateful that God did create people so very wonderfully and has allowed a few of those amazing people to come into, and be a part of, my life. I really do seem to be blessed that way.

Golf

Went and played golf today with some folks who are about to graduate from seminary here. It was some good times. I had a few thoughts, but here is the one I wanted to share...

One of the things that has been shared with me over and over again by golfers far more skilled than me is you need to relax and swing easy if you want to be successful. I find that when I start to feel the pressure I grip down more and swing harder. The result is usually even more disastrous than previous shots in the round.

Am I wrong, or does life tend to work the same way? When you relax and swing easy you tend to be most successful. Yet in times of pressure I find myself bearing down more and trying harder, and things turn out even more disastrous than they already were. You meet a cute girl and you want to impress her and you end up trying too hard and either nothing comes out or you say or do something stupid to make you look bad. The stress builds up at work and so you try and buckle down but you end up with brain lock or a normal project takes twice as long as you anticipate. Or perhaps worse stress builds up at work and you try and keep it in, but then you come home and you let it all out on your family.

Relax...swing easy...

Peace and Rights

Catching glimpses of news reports about the Iraq prison scandal has been tough. It was hard to see bombs being dropped and buildings destroyed. This is even tougher as it seems so much more personal. As I see various people try to justify, or explain, away what happened it begins to feel like the trial in "A Few Good Men" where Tom Cruz is grilling Jack Nicholson. I find myself realizing that I really can't handle the truth, at least not that truth. Nothing about it appears right. Yet, what do I say to the person who has a family member serving over there? It feels like any statement I might make against what is happening is a statement against their family member. At the same time I do not wish to make blanket statements of support, because I cannot wrap my head around enough to be of full support.

Then I slip into my Ethics II class about Human Rights. Some of us there have then struggled with the question of whether or not we can demand human rights? If I belong to God, if God has claimed me as I often confess, then what right do I really have to demand anything from anyone? I am God's and God's alone. Any demand that I make, whether it is of God or my fellow man, is to turn the focus on to me and away from God. I begin to navel gaze, as Luther might explain it. So what do I do with that?

To return to the prison scandal it seems that if somehow I were to find myself as one of the prisoners I would personally have no grounds to be treated a certain way, even though I would hope to be treated humanely. Yet I am not there and I am called by God to love my neighbor as myself. That is call to fight for the prisoners to be treated fairly, and humanely. Did not Jesus speak of this when quoting God, "Whatever you have done unto the least of these you have done unto me"? In that passage Jesus spoke of visiting, caring for, the prisoner. So we fight for the rights of others, even though we might not have any ourselves. So we fight for peace because it seems as if there is none.

Glasses

Being somebody that wears glasses I've often found people wanting to try on my glasses. I think part of it is because they want to see the world the way I see it, so to speak.

Isn't that what we are doing when we watch "E.T." or read "People" magazine? Don't we do it other places as well? What would it be like to be the cool kid at school? What would it look like to be the boss. As a runner I've often wondered what it felt like inside the body of the tops runners as they race. Can they just tolerate more pain or does it just not hurt as much as when I run?

Many in the Lutheran circles railed against the big W.W.J.D. movement a few years ago. Sure there were some theological flaws behind it, but in essence wasn't that what we were being encouraged to do through the movement? What would it be like to see the world through the eyes of Jesus? Would we feel compassion on a bully? Would we feel the pain of a homeless woman? Would we laugh more? Would we cry more?

Through whose eyes are you viewing the world?

Intimacy

Watching "Joan of Arcadia" the other night the God character said something to the effect of, "Joan, intimacy is hard." It sure is! Why? There have been moments, I've seen glimpses of intimacy. When I've experienced intimacy it's been a very beautiful thing. There have even been some attempts at maintaining it, but it's been a struggle. Even harder, though, have been recent attempts to find intimacy in new places. It's been hard, not like running 18 miles hard, but hard because of the rejection or the thoughts of possibly being rejected. It's been hard because just when you think you're starting to get there it starts to fade away. Then when you're just about ready give up on it because you are afraid that you are putting yourself in emotional danger because you have been holding out too much hope something happens to begin the baby steps back towards intimacy renewing that hope once again. It's hard because it's an emotional roller coaster. I've often attested that life is much like a roller coaster ride, and I still think it is. If that is the case then this drive for intimacy is the super roller coaster, the "Space Mountain" or "Batman" part of the amusement park of life. It's intense. It's hard. It's intimacy. Let's ride!